I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
