I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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