Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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