How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
