after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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