i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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