I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i drank out of a bidet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
