The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
