But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
