I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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