when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
