I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
