I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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