I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
