you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
