Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
