I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
