Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
