Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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