No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
