how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
