Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
