I love black thongs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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