U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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