i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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