Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
