Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
