just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
