Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
