Swine flu. Run for my life!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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