Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
