How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
