She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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