I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
