I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
