i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
