i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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