I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
