you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
