I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
