if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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