all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
