She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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