i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
