I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
