So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
