you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
