billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
