Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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