Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
