why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
