I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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